Loawai!

I am famous.

I.

I've never really wanted to be famous. I thought it might be nice to be recognized or admired, but I never really thought I would go out and seek such attention. And yet, here I am. The most famous man in town. And the best part about it is that I didn't actually have to do anything to achieve this fame. Just be born with white skin and speak English.

Apparently, in China, being a foreigner makes you one of the most interesting and complicated creatures in the world, especially if you are from the United States, which every white foreigner is expected of being. I've never been stared at more intently in my whole life than I am when I walk around Xuzhou City. One time, when I was much younger mind you, I peed myself while waiting for my parents to come out of a kitchen store and then had to walk through the entire store with my whole right pant leg of my overalls (yes, I wore those) completely soaked. And even then I only got a few furtive glances, maybe a few giggles. But the way I am looked at in China would make it seem that I make it a habit of walking around in my underwear and walking on my hands all the while whistling the theme song to Three's Company (if I actually knew how it went).

While walking back from the store the other day, I, along with my two colleagues and friends Ashley and Lynn, came upon a grade school just letting out for the afternoon. As a result, there were dozens of parents standing outside waiting for their, and most likely only, child. We just happened to be walking through the middle of them as all the kids began to pour out of the gate and we got more than a few stares as we weaved our way through the masses. About midway through the crowd I came upon a young boy, no older than seven or eight, who was one second jogging excitedly towards his mother and the next turning and looking in my direction. As I approached within just a few feet of the young boy his eyes grew wide, his face became a bit flushed and his hand shot up into an acute point and directed it straight at my face.

"Loawai! Loawai!" He screamed with a look on his face that appeared to be a fusion of excited awe and absolute terror.

His mother quickly reached for him and pulled him back towards her, looking embarrassed by her child's sudden outburst. But just when I thought that the mother was about to give a good scolding to the child for his evident rudeness, they both burst into excited giggles and continued to whisper "loawai" to one another.

Only later did I find out that the word Loawai means "foreigner", but I don't believe it's the kindest of terms. Either way, I am a Loawai. A person who is obviously susceptible to high prices and cheap scams and will surely buy anything that has any sort of redeeming value (like the roller skates that hook to the bottom of your tennis shoes and light up as you spin your way around town - yes, I bought those. They were only 4 dollars!)

So, since my new find fame, whether it's the sort of fame that a respectable actor like Tom Hanks enjoys, or maybe a more irritating, asphyxiating fame like that that stalks Britney Spears, is here to stay, I might as well get used to being stared at everywhere I go, chased when I run, ripped off in taxicabs, and utterly adored by all those not appalled by the United States. I mean, hey, isn't that what fame is all about?

I hope not.