Teaching Made Easy!

I am a teacher of English. A ridiculously good-looking teacher of English. Apparently.

I.

My first two days of teaching are officially over. I have taught three total classes, at just under two hours each. On Tuesday, I had my first conversation class and today I had two writing classes.

I was a bit nervous walking into each class for the first time. Besides soccer, watching television, or playing video games, I can’t remember a time when I did anything for two hours straight, especially standing in front of thirty Chinese students to teach them something. Luckily, as I have mentioned in previous posts, being a foreigner automatically makes me pretty popular and instantly likeable. Therefore, it is my fault, and my fault alone (besides G.W. Bush), if I screw that up and everyone dislikes me.

My first class was a conversation class. I walked into the classroom ten minutes before I was supposed to start class and to my surprise nearly every single one of my students were already seated at their desk, either quietly chatting or reading their textbook. However, when I walked in there was a collective gasp throughout the room and everyone turned to stare. I smiled as the students murmured to each other and whispered silently. I still had ten minutes to kill before class, so naturally I stood there awkwardly, reprieved every so often when one or two students walked in and I was able to say “hello”.

Soon, chatter picked up again and just a few minutes before class started I decided to just go ahead and get going.

“Okay,” I said.

Every word that was being said throughout the classroom died off. Every conversation wafted towards the ceilings. Thoughts were lost before they were formed. And there was silence. Dead silence.

Every pair of eyes was focused on me, and the power of my English words began to become apparent. I am an English teacher, and I am a foreigner; listen to me, the bringer of incredible language revelations!

Chinese students are known to be very shy and quiet in class, and this class generally fit that description. I had each student interview a partner and then introduce their partner to the class. This took some time and it was a good way for me to learn some names. But it wasn’t long before I realized that most students had grown a little tired of hearing about their classmates.

I can’t lose them on the first day, I thought. This is supposed to be the easy day!

So I went to my one weapon that I knew would not fail.

After I gave them a short five-minute break, I decided to show them pictures of my family and my hometown. We had been told during orientation that Chinese students love pictures of families, hometowns, and the United States. Unfortunately for me, I had very few pictures with me. So, I went to the one place where I knew I had plenty: my computer.

As I pulled my computer out of my bag, placed it on my desk and opened it, the students gasped and giggled with delight. One thing about the Chinese is that they always want to have the newest and best equipment, and you can always see students and older citizens showing off new cell phones and mp3 players. But the Apple computer is apparently at the top of the totem poll, and here was this foreigner who had one. The double whammy.

I went to my photo section and put a short slideshow on full screen. Then I turned it around and held it in my arms so the students would be able to see. And, to my amazement, the students broke into spontaneous applause and cheers, enthralled by the large photograph of me in my graduation outfit with a funny hat on my head. Suddenly the room came alive. Suddenly I had them right where I wanted them. Thank you Steve Jobs. Class was officially saved.

II.

The students in my writing class the following day were much easier to get along with. As I walked towards my classroom, again ten minutes early, the students were all huddled outside the room, which was locked. When one of the students saw me coming from down the hall, she turned to everyone else, said something to them, and soon every student turned and stared at me as I approached.

As I got closer I heard one sophomore girl exclaim, “He is so handsome!” I couldn’t help but smile and when she realized that I had heard her she covered her face and giggled uncontrollably. As I broke into their small semi-circle I gave a warm “Good morning!” and everyone echoed the notion and smiled cheerfully. Soon the students were swarming around me. A few girls were more forward than girl number one, offering their praise in the form of: “you are so hot.”

“Thank you,” I said, not really sure what else to say (“I work out,” was a quip I quickly decided against).

Even the few guys (most English majors are girls) were praiseworthy of my American appearance.

“You are the most handsome man!” one particularly friendly boy said.

Again: “thank you,” for I really didn’t know how to reply to that.

Feeling more and more confident about my abilities to teach English, bolstered by my ostensible good looks, I began to chat with a few of the students. They were very kind, not nearly as shy as the first class, and incredibly praiseworthy of my appearance. Just when I thought that my ego had inflated to its maximum capacity (which is quite difficult to do, I assure you) one student named Kenneth gave a fist pump of excitement into the air and yelled, “Hooray for our hero!”

Now we’re talking.

Class went smoothly and as students introduced themselves and talked about where they were from, I could tell they were excited to have a young, foreign teacher. Mostly because they told me. The Chinese may generally be fairly quiet in class, but when they speak, they say exactly what they are thinking. And gosh darn it, they were thinking about me.

After my incredibly popular picture show, I let students ask me questions about where I am from and who I am. There were some similarities in the questions asked:

“Are you married?”
“Do you have a girlfriend?”
“Has anyone ever told you that you look like Michael Owen?”
“Has anyone ever told you that you look like Michael Phelps?”
“Has anyone ever told you that you look like Matt Damon?”
“You are so handsome!” (not a question, I pointed out).
“How old are you?” – (This particular question’s answer made every student gasp in surprise and excitement. Apparently, being 23 means that I am young, cool, and hip. Gosh, these students know me so well. So intuitive, the Chinese).
“Do you like China?”
“Did you watch the Olympics?” (also asked by everyone – very proud, the Chinese).
“You are single!” (also not a question, I noted).
“You look like…” wait, let me guess. A famous American or soccer player? I Thought so.

And so it continued on until class was over. And I decided that if all my classes centered around me talking about myself, this was going to be the easiest and most pleasant job ever. I think there are things these students know about me now that even my family has never asked me. So Nolan, Kyle, or Lauren, if you want to know at what age I first held a girls hand, had my first girlfriend, had my first kiss or are wondering what famous person I most closely resemble (probably a Michael of some kind), please ask Mirror in row 3 or Deer from row one. They will tell you all about it.

III.

Even though class two was very upbeat and easy to get along with, they were easily topped by my second writing class of the day and third overall. Ashley and I both decided that going ten minutes early to class was sort of awkward and since we weren’t really supposed to start class early, we would just sort of stand in the front as the class gawked at us. So, we thought, it would be much better if we went into the classroom right before class was supposed to begin. This afternoon she was teaching directly across the hall from where I was and I waited for her to walk into her classroom before I went into mine. As she moved in through the door to her classroom I heard her entire class break out in rapturous applause.

Man, I thought, I really wish one of my classes would break into applause when I came in. This whole thing about me being the most handsome and beautiful man on earth just wasn’t enough.

I decided, with thirty seconds before class started, I had better go inside and get going. I turned the handle and any talking that I heard from outside the door died down. I pushed the door open and stepped through, and there was my final class of the day: nearly 30 students, their faces beaming. I stepped through and smiled at them, and after just a split-second of hesitation, they all began applauding with a joy that I’ve only seen on the faces of children at Christmas. I thanked them, but wasted no time in writing my name on the board and getting down to business.

“This is English! This is college! This is serious!” I yelled.

Not really.

I joked about my poor Chinese skills. We looked at pictures. They commented on how beautiful my family is (even Timmy got a “he is so handsome!” – though, it was from a dude), how Moatsville, WV looks like “paradise”, and laughed at my sister Lauren’s ability to get the Dairy Queen people to write “cake” in Chinese characters on, who would have guessed, a cake. Very creative.

They were a very bright group as well, and when my favorite segment came along, “Questions For Kerrin”, they asked whether I thought it was important to visit other countries and experience other cultures, learn about Chinese history, learn another language, and how much an ipod, and other various Apple products, would cost in the United States.

They laughed merrily and were very obedient, telling others to be quiet when someone spoke during class, which made my job as a semi-disciplinarian very easy.

III.

Across the hall, Ashley was having a similar experience. She walked in, to applause remember, and quickly noticed that something was different about this class. Unlike in every other class that we have had, the front row was filled with all the boys in the class, who usually number around five or six and sit near the back of the class. After the applause died down, a student stood up to explain the situation, sensing Ashley’s confusion.

“I am your monitor (which is a student handpicked by the rest of the class to help the teachers). And there is a reason why all the boys are sitting in the front of the class.”

His English name was Mr. Cool, and boy, the guy was living up to his name.

“The reason is that our friends from your other classes told us how beautiful you were, and so all the boys decided to come early to get the seats in front.”

Smooth, Mr. Cool. So smooth.

Later, as Ashley was going through her introductions, she noticed a young girl texting on her cell-phone, something that is not generally allowed in class.

“Who are you texting?” Ashley asked.

“I have a friend in the other class,” the girl explained. “She is telling me that there is a very handsome boy teaching their class!”

Back in my room, I had just given the entire class the usual five minute break halfway through class. Most of the girls filed out, and before long the door to my class kept opening and closing, and each time it slowly creaked open, another Chinese girl poked her head in, smiled sheepishly, said “Hi!” and then quickly retreated. This continued for the better part of the next three minutes and each time it happened the students in my class burst into laughter.

“Who are those people?” I asked.

“They are from the other class across the hall!” they explained, laughing.

Apparently, every girl in Ashley’s class had filed out during the break to try and get a peek at the other new English teacher. Me.

It’s really not healthy to be adored this much. I really shouldn’t let it go to my head. I really shouldn’t think too much about it. Fame will never get to me. I should stay grounded and understand that I am here to teach English and that the students are here to learn as much as they can from me.

But hey – I’m just going to assume it wont last, so for now, I’ll just soak it up. Come tests and papers, I’m sure I will become very ugly in their eyes. (Beautifully ugly, anyway).

Note: despite the fact that the author seems to be very impressed with himself, he assures his readers that he is not that good looking. Promise.

Note 2: Some of the Chinese students come up with finest of English names. Here are some of our favorites:

Apple
Cherry
Pure-Blue
Bamboo
Rain
Mr. Cool (of course)
Kitty
God (seriously)
Song
Laugh
Haergraves
Mirror
Nada
Queena